I grabbed a copy of the fake news newspaper, The Onion, while in Minneapolis this week. There were some real classic articles in the Onion Sports section. Check out some lines from an Onion “Sportsgraphic”, higlighting some of the gifts that are awarded to this year’s bowl participants: Sugar Bowl: In keeping with college-football tradition, Notre Dame and LSU will receive different gifts of equivalent value: Each Notre Dame player will receive a 2007 Saturn Sky roadster, a PlayStation 3, and a video iPod; the LSU team will receive an autographed football signed by the entire 2006 Notre Dame Squad. Liberty Bowl: Upon satisfactory conclusion of the game, participants will be given the most precious gift of all—–liberty. Rose Bowl: USC and Michigan players will follow trails of rose petals to their locker rooms. Upon entering the changing area, they will find the rooms lit by the flames of 1,000 red candles and filled with string-quartet music and hundreds of bouquets of roses; both teams will then slowly begin tearing up as bowl officals present them with engagement rings.
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Playoffs & Practice
I just heard the co-host of Cold Pizza Dana Jacobson (Michigan grad) take a run at the Allen Iverson “..practice?” rant. It was so bad that it got me thinking that to prevent this from happening again, I’d like to propose that references to that news conference be officially retired for all time. Also just about ready to join the retirement list are any references to Jim Mora’s epic “..Playoffs?” rant.
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On the Coaches
It is really odd how college football gives the some power to the coaches to determine the structure of the post season. Can you imagine another sports league where this would be acceptable? What if the NFL coaches voted on wildcard teams [would Bill Belichick leave the Jets off his ballot]? It’s silly, but I guess no sillier than allowing members of the media to vote to determine the worthy team or the computer system. So the system it what it is and the college coaches had a major say in sending Florida to the big game. Here’s my take on some of the coaches and their votes (or lack thereof):
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Bless Her Heart
Check out this letter to the editor, printed in today’s (12/1/06) Wall Street Journal. Ms. Deanne Weber of Northfield, MN was commenting on a recent piece on the Michigan – Ohio State game, then she recalled this piece of “history”: When I started dating my husband in college, I was a huge basketball fan and considered myself quite knowledgeable about the sport. He, on the other hand, is more of a football junkie. His dorm had a pool for the NCAA basketball tournament, and..he picked Michigan to win it all. He showed me his pick sheet, and I tore it apart. “You picked Michigan? Michigan?” I said incredulously. “They just fired their coach, and they’re starting five freshman! No way. Pick another team.” Well, that was 1989, and you know the rest of the story. Luckily, he still married me. Don’t forget about the roles Cazzie Russell and Tractor Traylor played on that epic run, Deanne!
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A Better Sports Illustrated Cover
Memo to Sports Illustrated. It just wasn’t right to put Bo Schembechler’s memorial photo in a small block behind a triumphant Buckeye on the November 27, 2006 cover: Especially after the hated Buckeyes downed Bo’s beloved Michigan in the greatest game ever played between the two rivals. Given my ties to the media, I was able to contact the print department to run off a few copies of a second version of last week’s Sports Illustrated. I like this one a little better. To add insult to injury, there seems to be a groundswell of support for a Notre Dame vs. Michigan rematch in the Rose Bowl, although most projections have the Wolverines and LSU in the Grandaddy. Bo would be turning over in his grave if Notre Dame gets a Rose Bowl berth on sacred Big Ten ground.
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Buckeye Blinders
Check out today’s ESPN.com Sports Nation poll: “What is the most recognizable college football helmet?”. There is obviously little debate on this. Love it or hate it, this really isn’t a debate. This is like the first question in a lie detector test to make sure the sensors are calibrated. Knowing this, Buckeye fans represented by the state of Ohio couldn’t help themselves and vote the “famed” Ohio State helmet as the most recognizable. Maybe if the question was most recognizable in a police line up.
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‘The Game’, Onion-style
Ohio State Defeats Michigan 42-39 In Ultimately Meaningless Game COLUMBUS, OH—In what had been touted as a college-football matchup for the ages, the top-ranked Ohio State Buckeyes defeated the No. 2 Michigan Wolverines 42-39 Sunday in a game that, while exciting, ultimately made no real impact on the… Leave it to the Onion to cut right to it
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Michigan to Rename Basketball Arena
ONEKAMA, MICHIGAN It appears as though the University of Michigan will suspend a long-standing policy to keep major corporate sponsorship out of its arenas and stadiums. In a move that Madison Ave is calling brilliant, U of M has accepted an offer from automaker Daimler-Chrysler to change the name of its famed basketball arena from Crisler Arena to “Chrysler” Arena. It is estimated that the auto giant paid a one-time lump sum of $1.5 million. The name change will take effect before the 2007 basketball season. Before making the move the Athletic Department conducted an extensive phone survey of distinguished alumni and donors, and flat out asked the question: “Should the basketball arena permanently be named Chrysler Arena?”. Overwhelmingly the response was affirmative, so the athletic department ran with it. Fan reaction has been mixed. “I hope they use this money to fix that patch-work quilt of a roof on Crisler, umm, I mean Chrysler”, said Jan Mussman, a 22-year season ticket holder. The AM sports talk radio station 1050AM WTKA is already using the new name in advertisements and emails, and the initial reaction has been pretty quiet. MVictors.com did find this mention of the new name in WTKA’s November 16 “TKA Ticker” email: Given the success of this project, the school is currently negotiating with Ted Yost, owner…
